I had every illness in the world but now I'm back + New operating system
4.6.2026
It's me. Just read what the title says. I can't believe what happened to me. I had a really strong iron deficiency, I forgot to take my iron powder and so my blood was lacking iron and boyyyyy! That is not a pleasant experience. So I'm vegetarian and originally I took iron in powder-form but eventually I had used it up and I didn't really bother bc I didn't know at that time how important iron is, especially if your vegetarian or vegan. Once iron deficiency hits, You will feel constantly tired, like you ran a marathon and now are out of breath, but with the twist that you feel like this all the time. And you will also have a lot of headache and you will be extremely sensitve towards fevers. Because iron is an important building block of our immune system. So my mum and I drove to a supermarket and we bought new iron pills plus zink and vitamin D pills aswell. And after a few days I way feeling quite alright again. And thats how it has been since today, a steady increase in energy. My mum said I have to do more sports, but ehhh... I'm not a sporty guy. My Body doesn't gain that much weight and thats okay. Some bodies gain weight by looking at food, some hardly gain any, and then some bodys (few to be exact) lie in the perfect sweetspot where everything is perfectly balanced. Bodies are very different and unique so don't feel bad about yours. But generally speaking sports is good for every one and all people should do some kind of sports if they are physically capeable. So I want to do more sports but like at my rate.
But whats that new operating system I have announced in the title? Well basically I use Linux now. I got annoyed by Windows and it's constant ads for it's subscribtion system and it's very irresponsible implemantation of AI in every official Microsoft programm. I was just annoyed at that. And so I left. I saved my data an a hardrive and went over the complete process of installing a whole new operating system. It was a bit time consuming and windows certainly didn't liked the idea of me leaving and there were some security mechanisms that made a bit harder for me to switch, like "secure boot". Which doesn't allow third-party operating system to start. Or the "boot order", in wich order the set-up is placed and starts. But there are many tutorials that helped me made the switch. And what should you know before implementing linux in your life? Idk. Watch a video about it and learn. There are some stones in your way if you want to switch to Linux and even if made the switch most things aren't the same as in windows. I use Linux Mint and it is pretty simillar to Windows but there are some minor differences if you just need to learn. Like bluetooth not working properly, but again there are so many people on the web that will have answers. But it's not a seamless switch, but I still made it bc I value my privacy and the importance of my creative work not being given an AI to be trained on my stuff.
All in all, I'm very happy with linux. I feel a lot more welcome here and like a human and not like a moneygiver, cause in windows I feel like there was this constant push towards paying more money. And I don't feel the need to pay for anything on linux. In the end this operating system feels like mine.
Spirituality and feeling a bit overstimulated
19.5.2026
I don't really know how to feel today. Like I feel full of energy but also a bit overstimulated at the same time. It's just that I want to do something and I really don't want to just hang around doing nothing. (I'm currently working on this website and write this which is not nothing but u know what I mean). But to say atleast... I really woke up calm and relaxed today. Like my mental selfcare practices really are improving my mentality and that feels great. And I think what I will do today is: go to a park, read a book there, maybe go to a friends place and have fun with them. And then there is some other stuff I have to do but that can be done quite easily. I don't stress myself about that.
Okay, that was a good writing entrance, now comes the yap. I have watched a documentary about beliefs and spirituality. And, how should I say, I'm rather spiritual, but not the kind of tinfoil-head-spiritual but more
pragmatic-spiritual. Like I believe that there is something guiding us. I call this "the source" or "the universe". But I nowadays split these terms up a bit. Like "the souce" is the
birthplace of the soul, it's not really a space where u (as a soul) just plop up, but more of an act of become aware of oneself and seeing yourself as seperate from the oneness of the source. And this is not a violant seperation, in fact I think the source wants this,
they (the source) want you to be your own being and learn simply out of the act of love. And "the universe" is basicely the source guiding us through our lives but not forcing us to be on the path of our lives. Just giving hints like numbers our symbols but not much more.
Okay but what has been said in the documentary, basicely that religion or beliefs can be a shelter in harsh and difficult times. But this reminds me of a quote from Karl Marx (yes that communist guy) that went as follows: "Religion is the opium of the people." Which basicaly means if the people would live under a perfect goverment in a perfect world and we would be open to each other and we wouldn't have harsh times and humans wouldn't cause suffering, we wouldn't need religion. But on the other hand suffering isn't always human made so we certainly need religion and spirituality. In the documentary it's listed that spiritual and religious people tend to be more happy and are more resilient to depression. Which doesn't mean that you as an athiest will never be happy, but athiests tend to be more depressed than spiritual people. One last highlight was when the reporter asked a zen-buddhist if spiritual practices like lighting incese matters on the spiritual path and the man says: "How you get into a spiritual mindset, there exist countless ways[...]. Many people walk a spiritual path to find clarity. With [that] mindset you distance yourself from comfortable and
uncomfortable. To be exact there is no such thing as being comfortable or uncomfortable, there is just the attitude of going along with something.[...] [For example] you get diagnosted with cancer, you can do whatever you want, it's inevitable. But what you can avoid is, [...] that you struggle with that." And I think that is one way of finding the greatest joy, I don't know what this man smoked, but quote is a banger.
So what do we learn fromt hat little children? Sometimes it is good to just accept things as they are even if they are a hard pill to swallow. There is a lot more cool stuff being talked about in the documentary but it's a german one so turn on the subtitles if you don't speak the language.
Documentary:
https://youtu.be/OU5jTxLx_rw?si=AZOjyQ5z6seVXu01
Taking a deep breath
15.5.2026
As one may noticed I have completely restructured my website, after being gone for so long. It really feels like an eternity. I'm right at the end of graduating. Well actually the hardest part is behind me. I completed my written exams, and now I want to focus on what lies before me. So I try to keep an eye on this website.
It's really like getting rid of somethign that was stuck with the whole time, like most of my life, I was in school! And I have more free time then ever to do stuff! And with that comes great responisbility. You know when I got home from school I was just working on homework and maybe on personal projects for a litlle bit. But know I have so much time... and honestly I don't know what to do with it. Like I'm a very introverted Person, I can be out-going but it pulls on my energy, like my social-battery just drops, and for a long time thought I needed to "fix" that. Spoiler: there is no way in fixing that, It's just you being you, if your introverted. And I thought that time that is not spent on anything, like a project or work, is wasted time. But in reality, time that you use for rest, meditation, clearing your mind or heck even just staring out of the window and thinking is not time that is wasted. It's only wasted if you say it's wasted. The time you need to rest, for what ever reason is not wasted time!
Look. I'm not saying you should always be in your room and just stare at a wall. Humans are social beings, we need a certain amount of time with others, but that doesn't mean you should be worried about your time and should always strive for connection. I'm talking about physical time, like actually seeing each other and hanging out in real life that is important. And I'm not listing every cause or damage that isolation is doing to you, I just mean that time is really meaningful if you don't feel stressed and if you don't feel bad for spending your time that way.
Well, I think I drivded off a bit, but hey that can happen. I actually wanted to talk about how to use your time but now I've talked about a bunch of other stuff. Nobody is productive every single second, and that is good. And I think I also tend to thinking like:"Ah... I wanna do something." And then, some random day, I coded this website. But then I was thinking:"Yeah but that's not REAL work, I wanna do REAL work. Coding a website wont help me in the future, for finding a job or getting money." But I don't want this thought to creep in my head. Coding this, all of this IS real work. Because it fulfills me. And honestly, I'm 19 years old currently, I'm just getting out of school, why do I care about so much about my future. I don't want to stress about my future, I want to live. I don't want to survive, and work till I'm 80. I want to do what really serves me. And to some extend I'm doing that already. I'm living and coding a website, a fun little hobby just by my side.
I'm confident to say that by the time I need a job, I'll have figured it out. And until that moment happens I will create art and keep an eye on my mental health. (did u drink enough water today?)